Santa is Creepy

By Kat


We all know it.
I mean:
"He sees you when you're sleeping,
He knows when you're awake...
He know's when you've been bad or good,
So be good for goodness sake!"
...holy crap.
Imagine this scenario, first of all.
At the dead of night, a man sneaks into your house. He eats your cookies and drinks your milk, but ONLY these two items, nothing else. You hear him travelling down your chimney, then while your children are sleeping he leaves suspicious gifts bearing their names, which are all the signs that are left of him once you wake up in the morning. He terrorises all the children in the world, except for a select few which he labels as "bad", giving them a mysterious chunk of coal that scorches their hearts with its ambiguous and sinister nature.
Plus, he claims he travels on magical reindeers and visits all children on his flying sleigh in a night. Sounds less like a jolly old fellow bearing happiness, and a bit more like a guy who maybe forgot which container contained the hallucinogens.
But wait, there's more! He has a list of all the names of all the children in the world, and documents their every action to judge whether it is considered good or bad to him. He has little helpers that package gifts for him to send off to your homes!
People of the world, we must arise. We must boycott Santa Claus, and his mysterious ways. No longer can we accept the presence of such a figure in our media, a figure that appears so popular in Christmas time. We need to acknowledge that there would be far better mascots for a holiday season in the world than Santa, and reveal this creepy guy for who he is.
If we don't...
Then you better watch out.
You better not cry.
You better not pout, I'm telling you why.
Santa Claus is coming...to town.